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I am kind, caring, considerate, and genuine. I'm light hearted and quick to laugh at life's absurdities. Thought at 70 years of age that I would have had no interest from men, however, I'm very pleasantly surprised and am currently dating someone I met on site and very happy The site has worked out for me very well.
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Ellie has been on the receiving end of being dropped by married girlfriends -- in her case, after her divorce: It sucks to have women who were once your friends decide that you are suddenly the devil because you are not with their husband's bestie. One of them actually told me that we could still be friends as long as I didn't bring up all of the 'garbage. I told her to fuck off. And when it comes to making new married friends, Sue is surprised at the attitude she sometimes encounters: It is so funny to me that my 9-toyear relationship doesn't count but their 6-month marriage does -- or their serial marriages, in some cases!
Just because I'm single and 50 doesn't mean I'm desperate and will date anyone Many, but not all, women who are single in midlife would like to be in a relationship and do enjoy dating.
Sue describes "that wonderful feeling of first dates, that thrill of starting over. Bonnie feels it's particularly discouraging that "men my age want to date someone 10 to 20 years younger than them. What is going on? Are they for real? I want someone my age. I don't want someone 10 to 20 years older than me. These women appreciate being set up by their friends but resent it when the bar is set too low.
Stephanie explains, "They are anxious to match me up with someone they know, their only criteria being that he is also single -- no regard for my likes or dislikes. When I don't act interested in the guy they describe as an alcoholic, someone who has weird social skills, the devoutly religious man of a different religion than mine, the guy who is nice but a little slow, or the one who poisons squirrels in his back yard, they think I am being picky.
My well-meaning elderly neighbor suggested that I should act dumb on the first few dates to attract a man, as I apparently scare them off with my immense intellect! Nicole agrees, "Just because I am not seeing someone does not mean I am desperate and will date just anyone.
If I was not attracted to a type of guy before, what makes you think that will suddenly change just because I'm over 40? And yes, like Stephanie, single women in midlife get accused of being too picky or demanding. I value honest, friendly, and nonjudgmental people in my life.
I am a professional and would like to be with a professional partner, but if I don't feel the right vibe, all of what he is or has does not matter. My future is no worse than yours -- there are no guarantees in life The women I interviewed have pretty realistic perspectives on the future. Bonnie admits, "After being single for 8 years, I wonder if I will be single for the rest of my life. I don't think so as I think I'm just entering my prime years, but I sometimes wonder.
Yes, sometimes I think about what will happen if I age and lose my capacities but it is what it is and, if you prepare things properly and have someone who can be your advocate and executor, you don't have to worry. But there is nothing that you can do in your younger years that will absolutely guarantee that you will have a man when you're in your 50s, or that he will be around for the long run. I always wish new couples a long and wonderful life together, but please don't be cocky because nothing is guaranteed.
Please believe me when I say it: I am okay Women who are single in midlife want the rest of us to know that, despite life's normal ups and downs, they are doing just fine. In Marie 's words: As a single older woman, I want acceptance, not suspicion or assumptions. I am not damaged goods. I am not sad. I am not a reject. That smile you see on my face is genuine. Sue agrees, "Some people think you never married because you were selfish or too focused on your career or too picky.
Did they ever think it just wasn't meant to be your life and there is nothing wrong with being single? Cari, divorced mother of a 7-year-old, appreciates her newfound independence: I get to decide how the money is managed, what bills get paid off first, what school or summer camp is appropriate for my child. There are no differences of opinion, no debates, and no accommodations to be made.
My single life is very productive and busy. I'll admit, there are times it would be nice to have a second set of hands around the house or around me, and someday I may meet someone who I want to spend my life with, but for now I am enjoying my decision-making freedom immensely.
Being financially independent means that I do not 'need' a man in my life to survive, but should I decide I 'want' a man in my life, there is no pressure to prove myself or my worth; either you enjoy my company or you don't. I have been married and lonely and, believe me, that is much worse than being single, independent, and free. And now that I am beyond the 'baby years,' I am actually pretty much ok with it and wonder if marriage is even one of my goals anymore.
If I had married any of the men I thought I wanted to marry, I am pretty sure I would be divorced now anyway. I am happy with the life I have built and am lucky to be able to afford most things that I want on one income. As my nest empties, I see endless possibilities in my next chapter. I am unencumbered by a spouse's work life. I feel like a freshman in college again. The world is my oyster! Being married does not give you the right to be insensitive It's amazing what people feel they can say to women who are single in midlife.
Here are some examples from Sue, a never-married single woman in her 60s: I was greeted with 'How could that be? Sue also warns that people should not ask why you've never been married: And watch the way you talk about single women with other partnered people. In Joanne's words, "Once you hit 40, it's automatically assumed 'She has issues, or something is wrong with her, or she's selfish, or she didn't get married due to her career, or she must hate men, or she lives a sad and lonely existence.
I feel lucky that my girlfriends look at me as the whole person that they know me to be and judge me solely on that, not on any narrow-minded definitions of single women over Marie feels there are other stereotypes to watch for: One time, when my son had a new friend sleep over for the first time, the mom, who knew I was single and living alone, said, 'You don't have any boyfriends sleeping over, do you?
I can't let my son sleep over if you do. Single women want us to know that being single is just one small aspect of their very full lives. And they certainly don't want our pity. These women are often expected to dole out the gifts for every life event but would appreciate some reciprocity once in a while. Jodi explains, "You get a gift when you get engaged, another gift for the bachelorette party, and then an actual wedding gift.
Then come the kids; some of my friends tell me what to get their kids, even when I don't ask. And do I ever get a gift? Once and for all, I'm not after your husband Admittedly, the most shocking finding from these interviews was how often this apparent issue came up.
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