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The first time I went to a swingers club I was terrified. I had no clue how my partner and I would:. Instead, we got the lay pun intended of the land, and ended up doing each other in a room full of other people doing it while doing our best to act as if we totally did this as often as brushing our teeth.
Before that first trip, I imagined the club would be one ginormous bed covered with a massive pile of writhing bodies. With many couples, you can tell whose idea it was to come. One person will be looking around excitedly making eye contact or watching others getting it on, while the other will be intensely focusing on their partner, doing their best to forget they are having sex in a semi-public place.
In best-case scenarios, both parties fulfill a shared fantasy of expanding their sexual network. In many real-life scenarios however, especially among first-timers, one party is more stoked than the other.
If you want to play with a couple or more, always make sure all relevant parties want this as well before diving in. For this reason, single women often get a substantial discount on the cover charge, if they have to pay at all.
Most clubs allow them to attend only once a week, if that, and at a substantial premium. On these nights, the clubs can be sausage fests: At the end of the night, I had mascara streaking down my face, some serious bedhead, and my clothing had been off for hours. The one exception is theme nights. Costumes make great ice-breakers and in the super-charged sexual atmosphere of a swingers club most people need all the help making conversation they can get.
In theory it goes like this: You meet a person or another couple at the bar and talk casually for a while. One of you asks the other if they would like to play. While the above does frequently happen, play can also happen like this: He, she or they are hoping you will ask them to join you. If the swinging gods are on their side, you say yes, and you continue getting it on with a new variable thrown into the mix.
Finding one person you are attracted to is hard enough. Finding two people that both you and your partner are attracted to adds a whole new level of complexity. It almost never is. Sometimes at swingers clubs there is an unspoken pressure to behave like a porn star. Given the intense pressure to perform this is normal and almost to be expected.
None of this meant that there was anything wrong with me or the other participants. Sex and pleasure should not be competitive sports. If anything, going to swingers clubs can make you more accepting. So enjoy your first trip to a swingers club, heed these tips, and keep your expectations in check.
Like losing your virginity, your first time may suck but, like sex, I promise you it gets better with experience. A new Thought Catalog series exploring our connection to each other, our food, and where it comes from. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. You may unsubscribe at any time. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. Dedicated to your stories and ideas. A website by Thought.
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