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The brothers split up as soon as they walk in. Michael circles a display of expensive sweets "I don't eat American chocolate," he sniffs , and Martellus hovers near the entrance, offering health and safety advice to customers as they leave the restaurant. The guy stares at him, trying to deduce why a stranger is telling him to wear a condom. We find a table on the patio, and the brothers sit next to each other.
If not for their massive builds -- Michael is 6-foot-4 and Martellus 6-foot-6 -- the two NFL stars could easily be confused for LA hipsters. They're both wearing ripped black jeans and designer T-shirts and have soft beards that frame their chins like fuzzy halos. Michael, who is stouter, says his facial hair is supposed to be disorienting.
A waitress approaches and asks Michael whether he ordered the roast chicken. He did, in fact, order the chicken. Martellus dips a spoon into the bowl she has placed in front of him. I like that crunch. This is a lesson that everyone who encounters the Bennetts eventually learns: At any given moment, they might be screwing with you.
Take, for example, our conversation about Jerry Jones. As Martellus finishes his soup, he tells a story about the time he visited the billionaire's mansion for tea and perused Jones' selection of fancy cutlery. When I ask the brothers what they would collect if they were as wealthy as the Cowboys' owner, they respond at the same time and without skipping a beat: I'd be like, 'My kidney's failing -- it's time!
I scan both of their faces, attempting to confirm that they're kidding. Martellus picks up his spoon. The Barbers did it. So did the Mannings and Pounceys. The Bennetts, both former Pro Bowlers, belong in this club. Martellus, who is 29 and was traded in the offseason to the Patriots, led all tight ends in catches in Michael, who turns 31 this fall and plays for the Seahawks, is one of the NFL's best pass rushers.
Their performance has brought them name recognition -- but it's their comments that have catapulted them to notoriety. He has compared the Panthers to an attractive cousin and disclosed his personal sex schedule.
In New England, reporters accustomed to the anodyne Patriot Way are fanning themselves over Martellus' colorful quotes. In a league in which the powers that be stamp out quirks like inspectors on a factory line, the Bennetts have remained, unapologetically, themselves. And so it is that I'm spending three days in Los Angeles trying to understand just how they've done it -- how they've not only survived in the NFL but prospered.
At lunch, Martellus turns to Michael. I wish I could say that Martellus lives in Chicago but comes here often for work; Michael, who spends the offseason at his home in Hawaii his wife, who is Samoan, has family there , is visiting for a few days.
He finds LA hilarious. When we pass a long-haired rocker idling on the sidewalk, Michael swivels his head. We're driving toward the office of an animation company called Stoopid Buddy Stoodios. Martellus, who has already self-published an animated short and a children's book, has been collaborating with the company on a stop-motion television show.
When I ask how he finds the bandwidth for it all, he says that while playing in the NFL is physically taxing, your average player actually has a ton of free time: Most guys play video games all day.
Michael, for his part, is interested in politics he supported Bernie Sanders during the primaries and loves cooking and travel. He has three daughters and coaches their basketball teams. He runs a foundation that promotes healthy eating, and he has a garden in Hawaii. I ask him what he grows there. Interviewing the Bennetts is a little like being an audience member at an improv show, occasionally called on to offer prompts. They don't just finish each other's sentences, they anticipate them; the brothers share several volumes' worth of inside jokes.
Michael's wife, Pele, says they have operated in perfect sync since she met them in high school. Martellus, in fact, is 16 months younger than Michael. When their parents divorced in the early s, their father raised the kids by himself.
As boys, the brothers were inseparable. They spent summers on their grandparents' farm in Louisiana, where they fished, hunted birds with homemade bows and, according to Michael, "body-slammed cows.
When Enron imploded from massive accounting fraud and Michael Sr. They slept on a bunk bed together. They played football together.
On more than one occasion, they tag-teamed their childhood enemies together. Though both brothers played starring roles on their high school team -- at one point, they terrorized quarterbacks as bookends on the defensive line -- Martellus was the more sought-after prospect. He was a five-star tight end recruit and a nationally ranked basketball player coveted by the likes of Duke.
The Bennetts can recall only one time in their lives when they felt isolated from each other. When Michael was 10 years old, his appendix ruptured. He was rushed to the ER for surgery and ended up spending several months in the hospital, undergoing multiple operations.
As Michael tells the story, I glance at Martellus, who usually seems bemused whenever his older brother speaks. Instead, he's tensed up. I ask whether he was afraid when Michael got sick. Martellus stops talking and bows his head for a moment, wiping tears from his cheeks.
His brother squeezes his shoulder, then bows his head too. A minute or so passes before the younger brother speaks. I just didn't know," he says, his eyes wet with emotion. It took Michael over a year to fully recover from his surgeries, which left him with a deep, L-shaped scar.
Martellus says the experience brought them even closer. If there's an unspoken rule in the NFL against roasting other players, the Bennetts break it every day. What follows is a non-comprehensive list of their takes on various figures in football:. He's like a normal white guy you see at the park trying to teach his kids how to play soccer and you know he can't really play soccer himself.
I feel like Pete Carroll is like Benjamin Button. He doesn't want to get old. He's getting younger every year. What is going on? Watt , but they don't really like J. Watt, know what I'm saying? You only get to take one photo, and you have to stay outside for a year just to get it. I appreciated his game, but I always hated him. It's like" -- Michael pauses, rolls his eyes back into his head and emits a noise that sounds like the throaty gasp of a goat that's just been slaughtered.
He hired a crew of local kids to mow their neighbors' lawns -- he made them sign actual contracts, he says -- then paid them in burgers and fries. He then used those profits to buy cheap candy, which he sold back to the same kids. His father says he would sometimes come home and find that Martellus had sold off the family's bicycles and toys.
These days, the Bennett brothers are blunt about their shared belief that they're underpaid. Michael, playing under one of the most team-friendly contracts in the league, has been trying to persuade the Seahawks to rework his deal.
But when they talk about wealth and NFL salaries, it's clear they're less concerned with money than power. Martellus points out that football contracts, which are short and non-guaranteed, pale in comparison to the deals handed out in the NBA.
Michael and Martellus were raised by a good man who lost his job because of the bad actors above him. They've seen hundreds of players rise and fall with little to show for it, while the suits who profit off their bodies stay in the same place. They know what it means to be labor instead of capital. I want to make.
The brothers believe the union hasn't been sufficiently innovative in tapping new revenue streams. We need people who are like: I used to work at Nike. Let's go to China and create our own shoes. They're never making progressive moves. I ask Michael, a backup player representative for the Seahawks, how he would strengthen the union.
He notes that unless indispensable stars -- quarterbacks, in particular -- take a lead role in organizing players, the NFLPA will never build enough leverage to pressure the league in negotiations.
He's a great player, but what has he done for the league? When we park outside the studio, the brothers are still volleying moneymaking ideas back and forth.
Damnit - A Tribute To Blink Dani Bell and The Tarantist. Danny Carmo's Mathematical Mysteries. Dark Desert Eagles - Eagles Tribute. Darling Nikki - A Tribute to Prince. Davey Muise and the Sons Of Zero. Davidson College Holiday Gala. Davidson College Jazz Ensemble. Davidson College Symphony Orchestra. Day Tripper - The Beatles Experience. Dean Falcone's Annual Thanksgiving Vomitorium. Dearling - Tribute To Fleetwood Mac. Decades Collide - 80's vs.
Deft Ones - Deftones Tribute. Diamond - A Neil Diamond Tribute. Diamond Dave - Tribute to Neil Diamond. Dimenation - Pantera Tribute. Dimitri Vegas and Like Mike. Ding Dong's Character Circus. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels' Jukebox Jamboree. Disney's The Nightmare Before Christmas. The Music From Final Fantasy. Distinguished Concerts Singers International. Django a Gogo Music Festival.
Don Amero's Amero Little Christmas. Doyle Wolfgang von Frankenstein. Duluth Superior Symphony Orchestra. Dvorak's New World Symphony. Dweezil Zappa Guitar Masterclass. The Extra-Terrestrial Live in Concert. Eaglemania - Tribute To The Eagles. Echoes of Pompeii - Pink Floyd Tribute. Eclipse - A Tribute To Journey.
El Gran Combo de Puerto Rico. Ellis Dyson and The Shambles. Elton Dan and the Rocket Band. Elvis Presley Birthday Party.
Elvis Tribute Artist Spectacular. End of Year Choir Masterworks Performance. Epic Evolve - The Decades Show. Eric Burdon and The Animals. Ernie Haase and The Signature Sound. Essentially Ellington Jazz Festival. Estonian Philharmonic Chamber Choir. Etc - School of Musical Arts. Fabulous Armadillos - Eagles Tribute.
Fast Times Ultimate 80's Tribute. Fat Tuesday Mardi Gras Party. Festival Chamber Music Concert Series. Florida Blue Battle of The Bands. Formidable - The Aznavour Tribute. Fort Worth Symphony Orchestra. Franck's Symphony in D Minor. Frank Muffin - The Wall Tribute. Frank Sinatra's Birthday Celebration. Free Fallin - Tom Petty Tribute. From Shtetl to Stage: A Celebration of Yiddish Music and Culture. Funner, Gooder Than Just Fun. Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue. Giant Panda Guerilla Dub Squad.
Golden State Youth Orchestra. Goosebumps Bloodfeast Halloween Dance Party. Gordon Goodwin's Big Phat Band. Grand Royale - Beastie Boys Tribute.
Gratefully Yours - Grateful Dead Tribute. Green Dazed - Green Day Tribute. Growing Mindz Talent Showcase. Halden Wofford and the High Beams. Hampton Roads Soul Music Festival. Second Annual Sinatra Celebration. Hardcore Hip Hop House Party. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire. Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban. Hazel Gaze Album Release Party. Hazy Holidaze Winter Ball and Brunch. Head Games - A Tribute to Foreigner.
Head Games - Foreigner Tribute. Heroic Beethoven and Enigmatic Elgar. Holiday Doo Wop Extravaganza. Holiday Pops in the Heartland. Home for the Holidays Family Concert. Horseshoes And Hand Grenades. Hotel Desperado - Eagles Tribute. House Of Blues Gospel Brunch. How The Moon Stole Christmas. Idol X - Tribute to Billy Idol. Illeagles - Tribute To The Eagles. Illinois State University Band.
Illinois State University Symphony Orchestra. Illinois State University Wind Symphony. Improv Class Performance. Influence of The World: The Berklee Electronic Digital Instrument.
Interstellar Echoes - Pink Floyd Tribute. A Tribute to Michael Jackson. Moses and The Ragged Sunday. Jamie Laval's Celtic Christmas. Jason Boland and The Stragglers. Jason Bonham's Led Zeppelin Experience. Jazz At Lincoln Center Orchestra. Jeramy Norris and The Dangerous Mood. Jeremy's Ten - Pearl Jam Tribute. Jerry Garcia Band Cover Band. Jerry Joseph and The Jack Mormons. Jesse Pino and The Vital Signs. Jim Curry - John Denver Tribute.
Jim Parker's Songwriters Series. Joan Jett And The Blackhearts. Joe Gransden and His Big Band. Joe Hertler and The Rainbow Seekers. Joe Hisaishi Symphonic Concert. John Denver's Rocky Mountain Christmas.
John Mueller's Winter Dance Party. Jon Thrasher's Birthday Bash. Jose Negroni Jazz Symphony: Josh Gachette and His Pioneers. Josh Roberts and The Hinges. Joshua Bell's Mendelssohn Violin Concerto. Journeyman - Tribute to Eric Clapton.
Joy Columbus Gay Men's Chorus. Just Fine - Mary J. Kalichstein Laredo Robinson Trio. Karl Denson's Tiny Universe.
Karla Perez - Tribute To Selena. Kashmir - The Led Zeppelin Experience. Katie McMahon's Celtic Christmas. Kendell Marvel's Honky Tonk Experience. Kennedy Center Chamber Players.
Kick The Inxs - Inxs Tribute. Kurt Vile and The Violators. Kyle Duke and the Brown Bag Boys. La Arrolladora Banda El Limon. Lake Havasu Rockabilly Reunion. Landslide - A Tribute to Fleetwood Mac. Lanes Laire Album Release Party. Larry Vuckovich's All-Star Sextet. Latshaw Pops Spectacular Show. Lavola - Radiohead Tribute Show. Led Zepagain - Led Zeppelin Tribute. Led Zeppelin 2 - Tribute Band. Ledfoote - Tribute to Led Zeppelin. Legendary Ladies of Country. Black History Month Celebration.
Limberlost Video Release Party. Lindsay and Jeremy Facknitz. Little Steven and The Disciples of Soul. Live In Central Park Revisited: Los 15 Grandes De Nuevo Mexico.
Los Angeles Chamber Orchestra. Lotus Land - A Tribute to Rush. Lou Dog - Tribute to Sublime. Mac Miller - A Celebration of Life. Madisen Ward and The Mama Bear.
Maggie Mae Country Christmas. A Celebration of Gospel. Manitoba Country Music Awards. Marc Broussard Full Band Show. Margi Gianquinto - Tribute to Jo Stafford.
Mariachi Herencia De Mexico. Mariachi Reyna De Los Angeles. Mariachi Vargas de Tecalitln. Marigold - Foo Fighters Tribute. Mark Gamsjager and the Lustre Kings. Mark Whalen and The Buttermilk Boys. Martha Redbone Roots Project. Mary Anne Rennolds Concert Series. Mary Lou Williams Jazz Festival. Masego and Trap House Jazz Band. Masquerade - A Baroque Extravaganza. Material Girls Tribute Band.
Maurice Hines is Tappin' Thru Life. Meadow Mountain Album Release. Mel Melton and The Wicked Mojos. A Tribute To Barbra. Mendelssohn Choir Of Pittsburgh. Mercury Lounge Halloween Bash. Michael Grandinetti's Symphony of Illusions. Michael Jackson Tribute Concert. Michael Nau and The Mighty Thread. Michelle Decourcy and The Rocktarts.
Mickey's Very Merry Christmas. Midland Odessa Symphony and Chorale. Mike LePond's Silent Assassins. Miller and The Other Sinners. Milos Performs Howard Shore. Mirage - A Tribute to Fleetwood Mac. Misora Hibari Music Festival. Mississauga Symphony Youth Orchestra. Mister G's Halloween Fiesta. Mock of Ages - Def Leppard Tribute. Moondance - Van Morrison Tribute. Moravian College Community Orchestra. Moravian College Early Music Ensembles. Morgan State University Choir.
Moses Mo and his Really Cool Band. Mother Of All Rock Festival. Mozart Piano Concerto in E-Flat. Genius and The Robot Inventors. Majestyk's 8 Track Revival. A Killer Comedy Whodunit. Music For A Sunday Afternoon. Music For The Holidays Concert. Music Under the Influence of Computers. Musica Angelica Baroque Orchestra. Mussorgsky's Pictures At An Exhibition. Mutts Gone Nutts Dog Circus. My Brightest Diamond - Stars. Nate Butler's Mmm-Mmm Christmas. Nathaniel Rateliff and The Night Sweats.
National Arts Centre Orchestra. National Stand-Up Comedy Showcase. National Symphony Orchestra of Romania. National Symphony Orchestra Pops. Natural Wonder - Stevie Wonder Experience. New Albany Symphony Orchestra.
New Jersey Symphony Orchestra. New Year's Eve Resolution Ball. New Year's Party with a Purpose. New Year's Weekend Comedy Festival. New York Boylesque Festival. Nick Sumner and The Assistance. Nicki Bluhm And The Gramblers. Night in the Country Music Festival. Nightrain - Guns N Roses Tribute. Nirvanna - Tribute to Nirvana.
No Quarter - Tribute to Led Zeppelin. Noel, Une Tradition En Chanson. North Carolina Master Chorale. Northern Iowa Symphony Orchestra. Duke Ellington Meets Tchaikovsky. Oakland Interfaith Gospel Choir. Old Settler's Music Festival. One - Metallica Tribute Band. Opal Agafia and The Sweet Nothings. Oratorio Society of New York. Orbison and The Everly Brothers Reimagined. Peter By The Sea.
Orchestre Symphonique de Montreal. Oregon Jamboree Music Festival. Hello Big Man Coming Around Again Have You Seen Me Lately A Family Opera Letters Never Sent The Bedroom Tapes This Kind of Love Never Been Gone Other albums [ edit ] Christmas albums Christmas Is Almost Here Greatest Hits Live Soundtrack albums This Is My Life Piglet's Big Movie The Best of Carly Simon Clouds in My Coffee The Very Best of Carly Simon: Nobody Does It Better Carly Simon's Greatest Hits Carly Simon Collector's Edition Original Album Series The Very Best of Carly Simon Songs From The Trees: A Musical Memoir Collection.
Concert films [ edit ] Live from Martha's Vineyard Live at Grand Central Taking Off cameo Little Black Book cameo Reach for the Stars , documentary. Songs by Carly Simon . Carly Simon's Greatest Hits Gold. Retrieved June 15, Retrieved February 17, Retrieved June 13, Archived from the original on September 13, Retrieved June 16, Archived from the original on October 17, Retrieved July 12, American Society of Composers, Authors and Publishers.
Retrieved April 29, Retrieved October 19, Archived from the original on October 19, Retrieved March 18, Retrieved April 23, The New York Times. Retrieved November 13, A Memoir — Carly Simon Page: The Bill Miller Show. Retrieved September 4, Retrieved November 19, Retrieved July 15, Accessed May 3, Retrieved July 17, Archived from the original on September 1, Retrieved August 14, Girls Like Us The Music.
Retrieved August 21, Retrieved March 21, Archived from the original on September 6, Retrieved August 16, Retrieved April 10, Retrieved August 30, Retrieved August 29, Carly Simon Official Website. Archived from the original on February 9, Retrieved February 9, Retrieved November 18, Retrieved March 30, Archived from the original on July 15, Retrieved May 26, Archived from the original on October 12, Retrieved December 18, Retrieved June 22, Best Rock Vocal Performance, Female".
Rock On The Net. Archived from the original on July 4, Retrieved November 9, Best Musical Album for Children. Retrieved August 9, Archived from the original on May 9, Archived from the original on February 4, Retrieved February 20, Archived from the original on June 22, Archived from the original on February 23, Retrieved August 17, Retrieved April 19, Archived from the original on August 9, Archived from the original on November 13, Retrieved July 7, Carly Simon official website.
Archived from the original on June 12, Retrieved December 21, Retrieved May 18, Retrieved August 31, Archived from the original on September 2, Archived from the original on November 29, Retrieved November 6, Retrieved March 23, Retrieved September 13, Retrieved November 15, Retrieved April 28, Retrieved November 30, Long Ago and Far Away.
The James Taylor Story revised updated ed. Archived from the original on July 17, Retrieved November 21, Accessed November 13, Retrieved June 19, I can't really wear high heels comfortably, but I love the way they look.
The New York Observer. Retrieved April 11, Retrieved July 27, Retrieved January 27, Berklee College of Music. Retrieved April 25, Carly Simon — You're So Vain". Retrieved March 19, Celine Dion live in Las Vegas". Retrieved January 31, Archived from the original on June 26, Retrieved May 20, Recording Industry Association of America. Awards for Carly Simon. Academy Award for Best Original Song. Herb Magidson " Lullaby of Broadway " Music: Dorothy Fields " Sweet Leilani " Music and lyrics: Harry Owens " Thanks for the Memory " Music: Leo Robin " Over the Rainbow " Music: Mack Gordon " Swinging on a Star " Music: Jimmy Van Heusen Lyrics: Ray Gilbert " Buttons and Bows " Music: Frank Loesser " Mona Lisa " Music and lyrics: Ray Evans and Jay Livingston Ned Washington " Secret Love " Music: Sammy Cahn " Gigi " Music: Sammy Cahn " Never on Sunday " Music and lyrics: Sherman and Robert B.
Don Black " Talk to the Animals " Music and lyrics: Robb Royer and Jimmy Griffin Joseph Brooks " Last Dance " Music and lyrics: Norman Gimbel " Fame " Music: Will Jennings " Flashdance What a Feeling " Music: Carly Simon " Under the Sea " Music: Tim Rice " Streets of Philadelphia " Music and lyrics: Tim Rice " Colors of the Wind " Music: Andrew Lloyd Webber Lyrics: Randy Newman " Lose Yourself " Music: Eminem " Into the West " Music and lyrics: Melissa Etheridge " Falling Slowly " Music and lyrics: Gulzar " The Weary Kind " Music and lyrics: Bret McKenzie " Skyfall " Music and lyrics: Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez Complete List s s s s s s.
Grammy Award for Best New Artist. Retrieved from " https: Records artists Breast cancer survivors American people of African descent American people of German-Jewish descent American people of Cuban descent American people of Swiss-German descent American people of Spanish descent People from Riverdale, Bronx New York state Democrats Singers from New York state 20th-century American musicians 21st-century American composers 20th-century American singers 21st-century American singers 20th-century women singers 21st-century women musicians Jewish American musicians 20th-century American guitarists 20th-century American pianists Ballad musicians.
Record of the Year.
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